bursting into kaleidoscopic colors;

Let's try not to fall into habits and routines again this time...

2012-02-20T19:54:00.001+08:00

And so it is.

Back.

In the land of the strange accented.

No I'm just joking. The Australian accent, while thick and more difficult to understand than most, is one of the many accents that I have come to love.

Yet, that is not the point. I just needed to get certain things off my chest.

The night before was just filled with the dread of having to head to the airport later that night... and by next morning I would be on a totally different continent altogether. You know how advanced aviation technology is nowadays... promising to get you places in the fastest time possible...

The plane ride was more than a little horrible. Luckily there was no crying baby...but it was still packed to the rafters and I couldn't get enough sleep. It was the worst feeling ever, not being able to fall asleep. I guess I dozed off for awhile because I got really too tired, but most of the time I was staring at the screen in front of me because the entertainment system was down when "dinner" came... And maybe it was the air pressure changes, but I kept feeling like I needed to puke, so I couldn't really eat much. They had tiramisu ice cream for dessert though, loved that...

Anyway, customs cleared pretty quickly and the shuttle bus came in record time so I couldn't complain. The traffic jam I couldn't care less about really... made the whole journey jerky and pukey.

Came back to the apartment a little worse for wear, but had a nap (wasn't enough) but had to shower and head out for groceries. Had a late lunch after and maggie mee dinner about two hours later. No food at all makes me a very unhappy kid. I need my bacon and eggs!

Okay, I just need to adjust all these feelings of negativity and be a better person and study my ass off...

So many things I want to say but I guess writing them down instead of typing it out is more therapeutic. Gives me a chance to admire my handwriting too... LMAO~

x

Let

2012-02-20T19:16:00.001+08:00

Quite possibly, dear sir...

2012-02-13T14:03:00.000+08:00

So I have about a week more to go before I fly back to continue my studies. On one hand, I'm freaking out (as usual) over the whole idea of having to go through the necessities of introducing oneself to the class, awkwardly saying my name in the best pronounceable way so they don't have to ask again. I'm just over-worrying, I know it. I really shouldn't care less about what others think of me. I mean, if they are interested to know me as a person, they will ask... right? On the other hand, I'm just sad that I have to fly back. These past three months I've been really bumming around doing nothing (much), but I spent quite some time with family, so that was good. So much so I think they are sick of seeing me loitering around and want me to scoot off back to study / work. Which is why I have to get an internship before I come back in November/December. I think I roughly have an idea where I want to apply to... but I don't want to limit myself just yet... I'll think about it again come October...

I am also quite excited at the prospects of returning. There's so much I have yet to explore....

Let's hope I don't feel so bummed as I did the first time I flew off. I mean, it should get easier with practice, shouldn't it?

The downfalls of studying abroad.

2012-02-08T16:50:00.000+08:00

I'm getting pretty sick of people going "So when are you heading back to Melbourne?" when they see me, or just for curiosity's sake. Yes, I know you guys are concerned and just asking as a way of being polite, but I don't really need the constant reminder that I only have a little over a week left before I head back... Frankly, it's more than annoying... it's so frustrating to know that I have to keep repeating myself and then that topic inevitably leads to more questions with the likes of "So what exactly are you studying?", "How long are you going to be there for?", "Are you used to living alone?", "Wah, so now you can cook big feasts right? When are you going to let me have a taste?". Er, I'm there to study, hello... not practice my cooking skills... Then again, I suppose they were misled by the excessive food pictures capturing my culinary escapades huh.

That aside, I know this semester will be pretty chill, so I think I might have to take up some co-curricular activities to make better use of the time there.

I watched About A Boy with Nicholas Hoult and Hugh Grant yesterday, and like the character Grant played, I felt like I am not interesting enough to others, so it's more of a psychological barrier I have to overcome. I am interesting. Everyone is... everyone has a backstory, whether they like it or not. Some are more dramatic than others. It's not really what you say to others, it's how you put things into perspective that engages others. I think being sincere and helpful might do the trick, but I'm not really the kind who does that spontaneously... maybe I should try that more. Smile more. People like others who smile, right?

Just hope that I don't scare people off with my creepy smile.

2012-02-02T01:33:00.000+08:00

Who wouldn't watch this movie? It's on my must-see list this February, along with Eddie Peng's 《《爱》》and I think I will need a box of tissues. The Vow seems like Notebook Part 2; there's a lot of hype surrounding it, so I hope it lives up to expectations. I mean, I have this major crush on Channing Tatum at the moment. It started last week when I watched G.I Joe: Rise of Cobra. I know I know, that show was canned by so many critics but I actually thought it was pretty cool - kind of a no-brainer show, with hilarious dialogue between Ripcord and Duke. And then I remembered Duke (Chan's character in G.I Joe), was also a name he had playing a football star in She's The Man! So I rewatched that last night and I was all googly-eyed over his antics. He can really do comedy quite well! I was going *soundless squealllllllll* throughout most of the movie.

2012 should be Chan's year, I mean - he has The Vow, G.I Joe: Retaliation (which only has a few of the previous characters coming back so that's a shame), 21 Jump Street and Magic Mike (show about male stripper industry loosely inspired on his 8-month experience as a stripper and has Matt Bomer in it... so...)

Anyway, no words can describe how genuine I think he is as a person and actor, so go read the GQ article about him hosting the reporter at his uncle's ranch in Alabama! Southern boy!!!! :) I'll end off with MOARRRR pictures.

UNF. BOY YOU LOOK SO FINE...

Oh hey girl, nothing much going on, just standing on a wooden piling, staring into the distance thoughtfully with my hands in my pockets.

DAMN BOY.

My next wallpaper, I swear.

My next wallpaper after the one above it. This one speaks volumes, I don't know how to explain it but it does.

AND HE'S HOSTING SNL THIS WEEK I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.

Then the week after The Vow should be out... (MUST-WATCH I DON'T CARE).

I wonder if he'll be doing promos in Australia......

HAHAHAHAHA.

gah, this fangirling at 1.33am is not healthy at all.

It's another month down, 11 more to go...

2012-01-31T20:52:00.000+08:00

Time lost is time you won't get back. Treasuring each and every moment is hard work. Once you start letting it slip from your mind, it slips away quietly like the every grain of sand in an overturned hourglass - it's happening, but you're not consciously aware of it. So then when you actually do realise it, time has once again gone past so fast - wasted.

The thing about couples...

2012-01-14T02:04:00.001+08:00

Why do we have to change the way we do things just because we find ourselves in a relationship? I don't see the logic.

Ky got me thinking and debating about the things couples do for the sake of making each other happy. There are so many reasons I could have told her why they do what they do, and why we will never ever see the flawed logic or understand what they are going through, until we find someone who likes us and whom we like in return - resulting in a relationship.

I don't attempt to try to make sense of something I know I have never experienced, and I won't even judge them for it. But it does get very irritating, or frustrating, mostly, when they start doing things in a relationship that they said they never would when they were single, you know what I mean?

Hypocrisy - that's the word I ended up with after thinking about it. I mean, aren't we all, in some way or another, hypocrites? Come on, by not admitting it, are you saying you're morally superior than us? Well, then your actions are just a reminder that you're being a hypocrite yourself. It's a vicious cycle, one I had trouble trying to wrap my head around.

I guess it's some sort of pheromones clouding your judgement. When you're in love, you're literally blind, oblivious to your surroundings. You breathe for your significant other, all you want is for them to be happy. I may sound sarcastic now, and yes, it may just bite me in the ass when I get into a relationship (chances of?), but I know I can't understand RIGHT NOW. In my position at this point in time, I can't make sense of why you have to meet up almost every single day of the week to just be in the company of each other... Does that equal being in a relationship? If being in a relationship of love meant having to give up all my private time just to be in the presence of my other half, and feel his presence, then... it's really just "hanging out", isn't it?

Okay, so while being together, there is conversation and topics that one will discuss... do you tell him what you had for breakfast? How you brushed your teeth? Where you are going? Nobody has THAT many things to say, do they?

It's like having another father, just that you're nicer to him; - Ky's words.

I was a little disturbed by her thought process... but nonetheless you can't deny it.

For me, the point of being in a relationship means to have that feeling that you're loved, and cared about. That someone is thinking about you at this very moment. That confirmation and warm fuzzy feeling thereafter comforting your very soul. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to be PHYSICALLY present at every single second of your existence. It's that comforting FEELING, THAT SECURITY. The fact that you know he's right there when you need him, not that you need him now, but the fact that he is.

Right? I mean, yes, you can talk on the phone before you go to sleep at night, that's perfectly fine. You can text till 2am in the morning that's alright with me. But I need my space. I need him to be able to say, "Okay, I know you are going to meet with your friends. Have fun and I'll talk to you tomorrow." Not, "You're meeting with your friends? Will you be back late? Who are you meeting? Can you leave early, I want to see you." That's not being in a relationship, that's being locked up in a cage you can't break out of.

Space and trust. You've got to give me space, and trust in me that I will do the right thing by you. That's all I've got to say. And if you can't do either, you're not worth my time at all.

x

------
on a brighter note, I'm interviewing FOSTER THE PEOPLE tomorrow and going for their gig, let 2012 officially begin for me! :)

Baby we're going down in 2011...

2012-01-03T17:31:00.000+08:00

Just starting to recall the remnants of 2011 as another year bites the dust, but so many great things happened, I'm really blessed to have lived it at all. The start of the year was ultimately promising, as all years do, but then it kind of went downhill a little bit, but I think all in all it ended off great. If I could plot the year in a graph, which I think I should totally do every year, it would look something like this:

The gist of what I can remember, but I'm sure there was more awesome stuff going on...

February:

The Wanted showcase - wish I had the nerve to go for the interview or something... I regret nothing though - at least I've seen them in the flesh right?

Taylor Swift concert (I GOT TO TOUCH HER ARM).

Was pretty high that night, because it was like the first concert I've been to since Jamie Cullum and Paramore, and it was one of my idols. Ugh, too awesome... and she was already quite good live.

March: Penang getaway with my mom - so much fun. Only had iPhone pictures but since I had to switch my iPhone due to a malfunctioning feature, I lost all those photos cos I didn't know how to back up stuff then... sigh.

April: Tom and Giovanna got engaged. Saw McFly in the flesh behind glass doors at Changi Airport. Won tickets to Justin Bieber concert but the organiser was late in arriving and we missed half the concert.

June: Attended a Maroon 5 press conference. Graduated from NP. Stopped internship with Straits Times.

awesome friends I made while working.

July: Flew to Melbourne for university, had some trouble settling in, but then it got better.

Aug: Grandfather passed away whilst I was overseas.

Nov: Missed a free gig for Ed Sheeran, came back from Melbourne for summer break. Got a haircut (bangs, my best decision yet). Dougie McFly won I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out of Here.

The boys had one of their best years ever I felt... Love and career-wise.

Also made a new friend... :)

Dec: My 20th birthday! Floss passed away. Harry McFly won Strictly Come Dancing. Met Joe Brooks and heard him sing live. Met up with my great friends and had so much fun on the last day of 2011.

My virgin experience singing karaoke... I don't think I'll do it again.

Christmas was like, totally awesome cos I got to eat Christmas ham and turkey and pie...

Spent the last day of 2011 with the best people I could ever spend it with... eating dimsum no less.... HAHAHA. We have to go again!!! Vivocity had lousy fireworks, remind me never to go there for countdown again....

Best friends for life! Wheeeeee. :)

So, yeah, 2011 treated me quite well, but here's to hoping 2012 can be so much better...

Already it seems to be quite happening! Meeting a group of McFly fans for the first time, Foster the People gig, Simple Plan gig too hopefully, Elena coming back for Chinese New Year, back to Melbourne for school in Feb, Ky coming to Australia for holiday in June/July.... perhaps Joe Brooks or McFly will be coming back to Singapore... One Direction to Australia??? There's only one way to find out whether 2012 will be awesome, and that is to live everyday to the fullest. I've got to keep reminding myself of that - it could be my resolution, I haven't really thought about it though.

Till the next post,

xxx

Under London skies...

2011-10-22T21:28:00.000+08:00

The problem is, do I want it bad enough?

Yes, I haven't posted in a gazillion years. Sue me. I seriously want to make my university life the best it can be, but I don't think I'm approaching it in the right way. Perhaps I'm someone like Seely Booth in Bones (a crime show I'm trying to get through six seasons of...not my typical favourite genre but beggars can't be choosers). It was brought to my attention whilst I was watching an episode where he was taken to be someone as liking to stay in his own comfort zone. I shall not give you the context - but the gist of it is the comfort zone. Hiding under the ridges, never really taking the risk to run through it. I know I have to have the right mindset, the self-assuredness before I plunge into that social experience, but it's just not working. I need a bigger jolt than me psyching myself: Next year will be my year!...
It's never going to be unless I take action.

Do I want it bad enough - exchange. London. 6 months. Hindering me from taking off: an academic reference. I need a tutor to recommend me for the exchange. For them to do so, I'll have to stand out in class innit? That's the only way I see them actually agreeing to recommend me for something like this. I'm not having the easiest time trying to speak up in class, all the attention, the eyes on me just freaks me out. I can't do it - not unless I stop thinking about what others are thinking of me.

Skin-skin-skin. Need to have it thickened, is all.

From Wednesday, I think.

2011-09-30T15:56:00.000+08:00

I haven't mustered up the will to actually plonk myself down for a good half hour at least to think back and reflect. I had the chance this afternoon, when it was raining and hailstones were shooting out of the skies, and I was cozying it up at home, but I wasted it on watching half of Notting Hill. I can't even sit through a two hour movie nowadays - one that isn't good I guess. Not that Notting Hill isn't good, but it's just so surreal (yes I am quoting part of the movie).

Living in another continent altogether somehow numbs you from whatever is happening on the other side of the world, the part where you travelled seven whole hours just to get away from. If you thought it was easy and all laughs to be living independently, well, sometimes it can be. Other times, it's tough trying to get by each single day.

I admit, before coming over here, I had unrealistic expectations of what I would be doing. I thought that a new start would be enough to drive me to change, refresh myself like you would do a non-responsive webpage. And joining clubs or societies that would be interesting and cultivate an active social life. Perhaps I'm trying too hard in not exactly participating - that was contradicting. I cling on to every little chance and waste it away anyway. What's the point? How can I do this right?

You only get one life, you can't choose who you really are. Everything that happens actually shapes the person that stares right back at you in the mirror. Yes that's you. I think I can't accept that fact yet, so I avoid the mirror, the gaze at all costs. Because what I see when I look into it is someone who failed in every aspect.

I wanted to sing. I wanted to write. I wanted to do so many things. I never did. I never tried hard enough, I think the rest will concur. Who are they? Who are these voices in my head…

---

On another note, yesterday morning was supposed to be a fun-filled day spent at the zoo holding furry animals close to my chest, fulfilling that maternal need that springs to mind when I see cute animals. Then I got a call from my mom. Her dad, my grandfather, passed away hours before. When I heard it I was like no, this was not happening. Not in that dramatic way, but in a I don't want to believe it way. The harshness of reality strikes when you least expect it. In this case it truly did. I have to say that the fleetingness and brevity of the news relayed over the phone just didn't really catch me in the way it ought to have.

At that moment, I just wanted to be back home - where I could feel the realness of the situation. I feel so numbed here, so anesthetized. Pinching myself to feel, if anything at all. Is it the distance? Or am I really a non-feeling human being? In shock? I don't suppose I was in shock. Death, is inevitable.

I don't know if you do it, but I sometimes play out the scenes in my head of my death, of a death of a loved one. Just the thought of that is enough to turn on my waterworks. Then give me the real thing - but how unfeeling can I get? They say absence makes the heart grow fonder; I say its bullshit. If it were true, I would be realizing the impact of this loss.

My grandfather was a … I don't have a clue what to say. He was a portly fellow. He was a silent man, a man of few words. He was an observer. He loved his food. My mom painted a picture of him that to me was of a cheeky, kindly old man. In every way, I hardly made contact with him whilst I was in their home, for all these years. No use regretting what one could have done though, that I know, because it only just makes you want to change the future, but in the end you'll end up running down the same route. I remember him driving us in his green little Mr Bean-ish Volkswagen down to the nearby wet market in the morning when I was younger and he could still hold his own; we would go drink soy bean milk, eat wanton mee. Or the kids would be hanging out at the backyard, wearing the ugly plastic olden-day slippers that were four sizes too big and looking down we'd see him in his makeshift garden, plucking stray weeds and whatnot.

Then fast forward a few years, and you see him grow a couple more wrinkles, losing that purposefulness in each stride, needing a cane, losing that weight but putting it on back again soon after, and just getting… in simple terms, old.

I have always been fearful of death. Its imminence has always weighed over me like a grey cloud. In the distance, but close enough for me to feel its presence. I know I can die anytime. I know death can befall anyone I know at any time. However hard I may try to push away that fact, it's there. It's happened once when my grandma died in 2008 (Not forgetting that one anytime soon - about 3 days before my birthday), and I was around when she passed.

Am I a bad person for not feeling the impact? I feel more sad that I'm not there for my mom when she needs some support the most. I've never seen her cry before, I don't think I have. The second half of 2011 just doesn't cut it. I mean, the first half was amazing, believe me, but it all went downhill after July - seriously, what is wrong with this hand I've been dealt?

Okay I can't do this anymore.

post 1,111:

2011-07-29T22:47:00.000+08:00

I sat here for awhile, thinking about how I should have started my post. Wrote a couple of words, deleted them. Wrote again, and backspaced again.

This notion of self-censoring my thoughts, am I afraid of letting people how I truly feel?

In actual fact, I'm feeling a little alone. More than a little if you dig deeper. I miss home, but I don't want to sound like a brat who keeps wailing about how she misses everything back home, because I want to be here. I chose to be here. I will need to adjust to being here. And also because if this tendency to whine continues on, I might as well have not decided to fly off in the first place, y'know what I mean?

Haven't talked to the 'rents in a couple of days via Skype, so maybe that's what brought on the melancholia. The connection seriously sucks, and I keep getting cut off, and I get so frustrated sometimes because I just want to say what I'm feeling, but then I'm not sure if they are receiving it on the other end... Ugh, technology really should be more advanced here in Australia.

And also, I think I might have to be more outspoken in tutorials. I don't want to lose out - so many things are on the line for me to do well here. It's crazy. If I wasn't too fussed about it, I would have just gone to NTU. So many ifs.

The self-pity might also be because I just finished watching Harry Potter today. Deathly Hallows Part 2 - IT ALL ENDS. How foreboding. I had high hopes for this one, I'll admit it. I bet anyone would have had high expectations. Acting-wise, it was brilliant. Everyone played their part well. But so many things were left out. Tiny details maybe, but it affected the whole experience for me. I honestly think so... Not so much a problem if it wasn't the last one of the series, but it was and the word to sum it all up was - underwhelming. The deaths of Lupin and Tonks, of Fred and Snape, even Voldemort... all were treated with such shallow undertaking. It was more epic when I was reading it, imagining the whole scenario.

And I suppose that is one thing visuals can never ever compete with - that is, the imagination. I would assume that everyone's mind thinks differently, and thus when reading the same text, would come up with various versions of how the scene went down. I wouldn't want to know any of that. What is precious is my own version, and how I can keep that alive. The mind is such a beautiful, complex object of our body. How through words, we construct mental images of grandeur and tranquility, of vulnerability and sadness... emotions also seem to be pulled into the picture there.

10 years. It's been a long ride, and I guess in 19 years, this will all be remade again, and hopefully, they will do a better job of it.

doomsday, or is it?

2011-07-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

Hearing the recent spate of news of the bombings in Oslo, Norway, as well as the massacre that also happened in Norway just got me thinking once again about the fragility of life. I cannot begin to imagine what the victims and survivors as well as their loved ones must be going through right now. As a bystander, I can only read about it and try to be emphatic about it, but it's hardly enough. The emotional turmoil in the minds of those directly affected by the tragedy is inexplicable.

On to more personal issues, I start school tomorrow. It feels so surreal and natural to be entering into the institutionalised learning process again. I believe it will be vastly different from what I have come to know as lectures and tutorials in polytechnic in Singapore. The major difference is that this is Australia, people are more opinionated and proactive about letting others know what they are thinking... so I kind of have to compete with that a little bit. No pressure, but just saying that the gnawing feeling of being judged is constantly at the back of my mind.

These two weeks of settling in have been wonderful. I mean, I probably would have gotten a bigger culture shock if I had arrived today and was to go to school tomorrow... nasty.

But the system here is hardly the same from that of Singapore - which is easier to understand, and they had more guidance. Guess I have to slowly learn to be weaned off the silver spoon the education system in Singapore had us up to our mouths in. Don't even know if that previous sentence made sense or not.

Anyway, I will post a more detailed one about what I have done so far, but not today... Today I rest. I recharge. Tomorrow, I enter the next two years of my university life with gusto and optimism... or so I hope HAHA.

I'm trying but I don't think it's working.

2011-07-19T15:06:00.000+08:00

So I think it's time to detach myself from familiarity and head down into the unknown. Explore a little bit. I mean, I made a huge decision coming here to study. It's only into a week and I'm starting to feel discouraged by the prospects. Is it too early? I guess so. I think I may need more time. I will find my footing. Or so my mom says.

I want to believe her, and the words of encouragement from those concerned about me.

But it's hard because I have a doubting heart. I doubt myself constantly. Every second, every minute, every day. I largely try to push it out of my conscious, but it still hangs around in the sub-conscious.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Am I sharing too little about myself? Should I be rambling on, finding new topics to segue into when another runs dry? All I know is the middle is not the place for me, I shouldn't settle for the middle. Never the middle, especially when it's in the middle of familiarity. Pushing boundaries must be my new motto.

I can do this. I have a thick skin right? Eight months of internship should have trained me to be prepared for this. I know I can do this.

But I don't really see any incentive of you being my friend - I don't think I'm a good friend. I am judgemental, lacking focus in conversations, forgetful, irked by the simplest of things - every flaw I can think of, it's there.

I don't need anybody telling me why they are friends with me I realise. The cliched "it's me, not you" is probably quite apt here. The problem's with me - there's something wrong with me and I'm still figuring it out.

But anyway, I'll try not to repress feelings. Smile, chin up, and I'll get through this huh? Optimism was never my forte in this field of friend-making.

Maybe I'm just a jealous bitch who will grow old and die alone.

reflex.

2011-07-10T01:55:00.000+08:00

Not sure if it is my body protesting, but I've been having stomach upsets after dinner. Plus the week-long cough-flu has been persistently clinging onto me, no wonder my parents keep telling me to get well soon. I know they worry, I do.

Maybe it's the nerves that kind of brought on the stomachache... oh my god I can't go there while I'm not in best form. Seriously, what is wrong with me? Of all days to fall ill, when I had a whole month prior to departure to fall ill, it had to be the week and then the day before.

It's a sign. I should not think of leaving. I should stay home.

Ugh, hating myself and my weak build. I will start exercising more (by walking) when I get there.

I keep looking back the past couple of weeks and wondering how many times I have actually thought about this moment, right now, that I am in. How many times have I envisioned myself in this position? Countless I believe, but not one time have I ever thought I would feel so... nervous. Life's unpredictable you know, but one thing's for sure. Family will be missed. I keep telling myself that it's only going to be for six months, and then I'll make my way back for a break... think of it as an extended holiday, one where I go learn new things. Don't think it's helping much though.

Six months is a long time, no matter how fast it will pass. I do not like the thoughts that night brings. It's the copious amounts of loneliness and thoughts of what-will-happen and what-has-happened. The regret that creeps up unto you, taking you by a stronghold...

I don't want to think about who will be there to send me off. To be honest, I just want to go alone, if anything. Maybe the second time I fly off, I might allow people; I'm just not used to being the one who leaves. Leaving has always been the job for others in my life... hasn't it ALWAYS? Nobody really gets it. All I know is, this feeling is not the right one for me to wrap myself around it.

And to see all these faces eyeing me as I head into the "next chapter of my life", with no turning back, is it worth it, really, the time I will miss with them? How will my life change without them, and theirs without me? It's easier if you don't see them almost every other week; but for the ones I face every, single, day... I can't. I can't bring myself to let them out of my sight... even if it isn't forever. THEN WHAT ABOUT FOREVER?

Adapting is one thing, surviving is another. I don't know what to expect. But I know that at least I have someone I know. If I had to go this alone, I probably would have backed out a long time ago.

Fuck, I better not bawl tomorrow night - teary eyes are okay. But bawling - you better toughen up and cry all you want now, but NOT THEN, you stupid girl. Intense emotions are better kept to oneself.

5?

2011-07-06T22:38:00.001+08:00

Je déteste attendre...
I hate waiting...

The moments leading up to said event that I've been waiting for... possibly for the last 19 years... see me in turmoil. Half-excited, yet that much more not being able to detach myself from the familiarity I have built my life upon. To uproot and plant myself in foreign soil (puns all intended). Not as much scared now as I will be when I cross the immigration border and look back one last time.

My mom was telling me of the time my aunt flew to America all alone a long time ago. She was so excited that she forgot to turn back to look at the people she was leaving behind. And it wasn't as if it was affordable to fly back on a whim like it is now (still isn't actually). It may be funny now, but I get it. The excitement can overwhelm you on the first few hours, until you get accustomed or unaccustomed to it all, and just want to jump back on the next flight home. I was asked if I would actually turn back and get a last look.

For the voices in my head that will tell me to turn around, I don't think I will. My reasoning is this: if I were to turn back, I would be looking at all the reasons to NOT go, and since I have already decided to take this step, there really isn't any point in reminiscing.

That and I think looking back will make me bawl harder.

Haha, and for all the plans for my LAST week... I'm practically incapacitated by a flu/fever/headache/cough/sore throat. 好来不来，偏偏这时候才来，真是莫名其妙。。。

The neighbourhood cat I'll be missing when I'm gone. Apparently it's only 7 months old and was abandoned by heartless cat owners.

Had sushi buffet with Ky, Angella, Weiying and Alan on Saturday night I think? Before that we played LAN for an hour (Ky & Alan) It was damn fail haha, but I had fun! The sushi buffet was an epic disaster, seeing as how we ordered more than our poor stomachs could handle, and had to mash stuff up to hide so that we wouldn't be charged for wastage... I was thinking if I could have taken some salmon home for the little kitty, but no...

Friends!

Salmon which I do not eat.

Friends!

Me enjoying my bacon wrapped asparagus, it was delicious, don't understand why nobody liked it.

And friends! Angella took this, or was it?

Anyway, fab week fab week!

10.

2011-06-30T23:01:00.000+08:00

Today my thoughts suddenly went to counting the number of days I had left ~~to live.~~ I then felt quite bummed for the rest of the day because it was 10. 10 more days. I don't know what to expect. I'm even coming up with grocery lists right now...

And then we all get invited to go to this introductory steamboat gathering. I like that they chose a venue close to heart and home. The truth is, we can't go all the way to another country and expect their natives to accept us for who we are. That's why we have this group, so that we will feel welcome and assist us in settling down for the next two years in Melbourne. It's a good thing to go to and meet some new friends. I just hope that people will like me, you know? I'm not someone who initiates a conversation, and I find myself second guessing what people think of me, I think I've said this before. Oh well, I should just be myself, my skin is thicker (after that SPH stint I think)... or so I hope.

x

unsettling thoughts, loiter in the recesses of the concious mind.

2011-06-26T22:51:00.000+08:00

Nothing more than an a week has passed, bringing us closer to "that fateful day". And THE DAY is all anyone around me can talk about these days, which only serves to amplify the uncertainty I feel about the biggest decision I have made in my life, ever.

I am a homebody, I admit that. A perfect evening for me would be just hanging around at home, lazing on the couch or chilling with the 'rents and a lousy nightly drama serial on the telly. That particular scene is something I have come to take for granted, now that I look back upon my wayward days. Leaving home was never a concrete plan for me until about three months ago.

The real suckerpunch for me was when I started filling up that luggage. You would think it would have been when I handed up the money for the tuition year. That didn't really sink in. You would think it would have been when I started looking at foreign exchange rates and heading to the local money changer to switch some cash to Aussie dollars. You would have thought it was when I attended the pre-departure seminar and got to hear from current students and meeting unfamiliar and familiar faces. (Well, that did get me in the guts a little) I realised just how unprepared I was when I suddenly had all these things I had to pack into that rectangular trolley.

It didn't seem like much when I had dumped whatever I saw fit in a month ago. I just started folding and compressing half of it today and that's when it hit me. I'm bringing 3/4 of my life down under for two years. ALONE. With no family. I have a couple of friends but when the homesickness kicks in, you only want for that soft bed with the homey smell.

I kind of started to take in the sights and smells around me more accurately these days. I look at the little marker spot on the table, or the Christmas hat (a gift from a friend) hanging over the bed, long and intently, as if looking at it long enough would make me remember it more. I know I will miss everything here. I know for a fact that this is where I should be. But I also know that leaving is something I should do as well.

I try to ask myself if this is correct. It feels right sometimes. Other times, I just hate that I have to go.

Maybe my fear is being accepted. It would be better if I knew what was expected of me, or what I would be getting. Thing is, I don't, and that's half a battle lost with myself.

The Green Lantern taught me: Will is stronger than fear. But I'm not fearless. I cannot ever be fearless I think. What is important is how we harness that fear and put it into positive thinking. I should practice my skills on that I suppose.

Hate that everything anyone can ask nowadays is "When are you going?" "Have you finished packing?" "How long is the course?" "How long will you be gone?" "Where are you staying?" "So, are you excited?"

Yes I am equal parts excited and equal parts uncertain and afraid okay?

Goodness gracious, just stop talking about it, I don't want to be reminded of this. (I don't mean to sound like an ungrateful brat who doesn't want to go. I just do not like the leaving process. It's okay if I leave without seeing how others will react. It's okay. But if they are there, they only serve as reasons why I should not go, and that is something I do not want to look at at the departure gate.)

what am i supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

2011-06-22T21:33:00.000+08:00

Don't Let Me Go (The Click Five cover) by foldedmemos

This particular song spoke out to me a little more than usual. It's about human trafficking, in countries less developed than ours. The rate of trafficking is abnormally high, and there's so much we can do to actually help reduce it, if not stop it. I do have to applaud TC5 for being involved with such a cause as this, and it just goes to show that applied right, celebrities can actually make a difference. Just like how McFly is involved with Eyes Alight and Comic Relief. :) Generous hearts make me feel inferior and make me feel that I should give back to charity, even to that student holding that tin can (who really doesn't want to be there). Been there, done that. It's actually quite fun. :)

x

I love you like blueberries;

2011-06-19T01:28:00.000+08:00

The surprise trip back to the office at 8pm at night was practically on a whim and unforeseen. I was pretty much knocked out by the whole day's proceedings, including waking up at an ungodly hour of 8am. :'( Went through a pre-departure seminar, which only sought to enforce the reality that I'm really leaving Singapore in less than a month. I seriously do not want to count down to the day I fly off. God, please make sure I don't cry, but I guess even you can't control my tear ducts. :'(

Then I spent a freaking bomb at the new F21 outlet at Orchard Xchange. I hate that place now. ~~I will never go back~~. I wish I had the ability to control my urges to spend money when I'm out. This has been my biggest spending amount to date at a fashion outlet, shit.

Hate that I'm not working yet though.

Will scan polaroids tomorrow, I'm off to bed. xx

where's the passion for the daily motion?

2011-06-16T15:51:00.000+08:00

Not many people can get a job that they once dreamt of, and actually like doing. The level of passion in these people might very well top everyone else's. In searching for something we all would love to do, we might find other areas to keep ourselves occupied, but are we truly happy?

---

Caught a couple of movies this past week, X-Men:First Class with my mom and sis, and Something Borrowed with Ky. I can feel myself gravitating more towards action flicks now, is it a sign that I have grown up, or just that I'm jaded by Hollywood's perception and portrayal of romance plus comedy? It all ends up the same - the guy gets the girl, vice versa. So the process to getting there is most definitely the gist of the story. X-Men:First Class was soooooo good though - Nicholas Hoult definitely played well as the awkward geeky scientist, and James McAvoy and Michael Fassbender as Prof X and Magneto respectively, I don't think I could think of anyone better to fit that role. I like how they used a great dose of humour in the process, because the scenes would have been just a lull if no humour was used. And it was also cool to see Fassbender (who acts so serious all the time), play nice. Brings a whole new dimension to the character Magneto.

Anyway, am trying to make the most of the next few weeks by sleeping till noon++ and doing nothing - which is pissing off almost everybody, and myself, because I want to be up doing things. GRR. Setting the alarm tomorrow damn it.

xx

one month from today...

2011-06-09T22:58:00.000+08:00

One month from today, I'll probably be on a flight alone, flying over 3600 miles to a continent that's in the shape of an eraser I have. Melbourne, seems like an entity I am so distant with, yet will come to be surrounded by come July.

Oh my god when it starts to finally sink in (it hasn't yet... much), I think I might freak out. It's such a huge change, and even though I'll be coming back for Chinese New Year, who's to say nothing much will happen when I'm there?

Socially, will I be able to get accepted by the peers I will come to befriend? Academically, will I be able to keep up with what is being taught?

I have heard of some horror stories from a couple of people who said they had had friends who couldn't get over the culture shock, and just quit after half or one semester...
And then there are those who actually manage to stay, but get too distracted by the bright lights and city life that they lose interest in what they are studying.

But I know I have great friends back home that will be there to encourage me should I feel that I'm falling... so I'm not as scared. After all, I'm a Sagittarius right - we love travelling and discovering new things!

AND I'm supposed to be an extrovert, which I'm unfortunately not (THERE YET), so I have to work harder! But the times I've tried being nice and friendly and taking the initiative and making the first move, I got a clinger -.-, so that dampens my spirits a little bit. :s

In any case, I'm off to watch my weekly McFly documentary (McFly on the Wall), wooo~

xx

just a smorgasbord of pictures from JUNE 03.

2011-06-07T22:33:00.002+08:00

~~So we've graduated.~~ Whatever got me thinking of that?! So I've concluded my stint with one of the major newspaper companies here. I have learnt so much this past nine months, and I have to say that not a lot of people can get this amazing opportunity to gain some exposure there, so I'm really pretty grateful for it, however much I complain about it. And though the first four to five months were pretty much self-reliant and me wallowing in despair because of the lack of camaraderie I was having with colleagues and all, with them being older and wiser than me... I finally found great work friends. Obviously they are friends outside work too, but they are the ones who understand the most of what I have to go through, because they are on the same boat. The fattest one must leave though, the boat is leaking! >:(

So to celebrate their last days and my second last (*rolls eyes*), we went to Acid Bar at Peranakan Place. Last went there a week back with who else but KY, Alan, WY and Eugene, sans Angella (sadly). Of course, drama came in the form of KY puking, but that night was pretty much great fun!

This time I went with Melly, Melho and H~ weeeee <3 Happy hour drinks and drunken talk. No one vomited thank god.

My photography skills~ I have booked Melly for a possible photoshoot which I have to plan for now... Haven't been taking pictures for a damn long time, I have to get back into the mode... H can be a possible model too, a back model maybe? :)

They definitely won't be doing THIS pose... -.-

Obligatory food picture. The food at the bar is quite reasonably priced, and good! :o Too bad we were full from durian puffs and egg tarts and curry puffs from our farewell treat we gave to the newsroom.

Aiyo, boyf~

Melly: I must look cute in every picture.

Me: Look at the amount of chix wings Melho ate!!! *mock horror*

Melho: ...

yay this is me prior to my haircut with the same bunch of ppl above on Monday (ytd)! :)

After my haircut! :)

Rotund face + bald spot = #foreveralone.

HAHAHAHAHA.

The end, byebye!

sketched and shaded words on a piece of cardboard;

2011-06-03T00:46:00.001+08:00

Never had an artistic bone in my body, so every time I try to make a farewell, best-of-luck-to-you card, I start with a vision in my mind, and let myself down every time I see the end product. But you got to make do with what you have I suppose. Well, the cards are for friends so they'll have to make do. Ha!

I admit that I'm guilty of this. Haven't you had a conversation which you said things that you didn't mean, and then wished you had told the truth later? It's pretty common in conversations I have. Sometimes the conversations I have I consciously think of what I want to say before I spit them out. Kind of like fact-checking my quotes in my head before others get to hear them. It's funny because it feels like you are having a conversation with yourself. You try to gauge what the other party will react to your response, and then you adjust accordingly. Sometimes I think just a second longer than usual and the moment is gone, and what I was going to say wouldn't fit anymore, but my brain still sends waves to my mouth, and I say it anyway. Lagged reaction maybe, but the brain works in mysterious and wonderful ways.

I'm going to start blogging more again. I'm going to read more again.

Yes, I shall.

feels good to be a little more than anything else.

2011-05-26T00:44:00.001+08:00

So, a little late announcement, but nonetheless deserving of some "wahoos" and "hell-yeahs!": I have graduated! As my mom said, another chapter of my life closed, and onward I move to university life!

Graduation day was seriously just like any other day. No major drama, it came subtly, and was an understated affair. Prior to it, I was worrying about what I would wear. Looking back, I don't think anyone would have cared what I had worn, because it's the graduation robe that matters, haha... The robe that marks the end of a three year long journey full of sweat, tears, laughter along with huge doses of making and breaking of friendships.

It's so hard to believe that three years have passed by just like that. When you were actually in that period of the three years, it's hard to see the tunnel at the end~,

but for some reason you know at the back of your mind that it's always been there. Now that you've reached it, you just want to tunnel your way back, as far as possible.

There are also many things I would have tried to change if I could, but if I did, would everything turn out the way as it would have now? Perhaps not, but maybe it would have been better, maybe it would have been worse, we wouldn't know.

I just have to be thankful that I made some awesome friends that hopefully will keep up with me when I go to Australia. Suddenly that place seems so foreign and far, and I don't want to go!

But we all need change in life, to make the things we care most about constant. I don't know if that makes sense, but it does. Having that change will enable us to see more of the good we see in each other now, and we'll learn to cherish it, and try our best to see that it will never change. You know? Hahahaha. :)

Class of 2011 - hooray!

Here's another dream for your memories.

2011-04-06T22:21:00.000+08:00

Sigh - the dream I had this morning was just bleak! :(

As you might know already from my frequent Facebook status updates about McFly (oops), they are heading to Indonesia this month on the 24 and 25th. I hadn't even suggested if I could go to my mom, just said that they were going and she was all "Indonesia's really dangerous right now, you'd better not go." Haha. But in any case I won't be going there because I want to watch them here in Singapore or Australia or London itself. :)

But back to the point - my dream. :(

I dreamt that I met them! I think they actually came here to play a small intimate gig, and the sad thing was it was a seated gig, and the audience was not interested!!!! They were playing and there were people talking and shit. :( Some even got up to leave, so I kind of swapped seats (I was seating in the back wtf) and got a semi-front seat. They were singing...IF U C Kate, because that song's been stuck on repeat for awhile. And I was mouthing along the words, and Tom noticed! :o I really dreamt that up I swear. So I was all yay inside....

And then they finished the gig, and were milling around outside, probably for smokes (since a couple of them smoke), and I kind of approached them, and I was all acting chill and being such a suck-up, like they were rock-stars and I was just praising them to the skies; which I know is reasonable, but in this case it holds a negative connotation. And I was being such a stupid bitch!!!!! :( They didn't like me very much because I didn't get a hug. :(

Oh my god I hope what they say about dreams being the opposite of reality is true. :(
I want a huge hug from all of them even though it'd be awkward afterwards... Maybe I'll burst into tears upon seeing them and they won't be able to take it and they will come up automatically to hug me, which will make me cry even harder. :')

I love these boys, I will keep hoping they will come one day.... :|

just remember to smile, smile, smile...

2011-04-02T22:59:00.000+08:00

Sometimes you don't realise that you have been suppressing your feelings so much that all the negativity gets lodged deep inside you, and while you use hyperactivity and laughter to mask that choking feeling, it just won't go away. So much so that it catches you by surprise when it finally bubbles over, explodes outwards.

I never did want anything like this to accumulate. The doubt and questions are starting to overwhelm even the most positive of personalities - cracking under the pressure. Why am I taking it so hard so young? Isn't it a time for exploration, freedom and spontaneity?

Where's the person who wanted to go on a well-deserved holiday? Where's the person who wrote a whole list of to-dos before she headed off to university? Where am I?

Tonight, I feel lost, down-trodden and tear-driven.

Tonight, I'm not headed home. I'm heading past past, and drowning in regret.

Oh believe me baby, I...

2011-03-27T15:51:00.000+08:00

I haven't exactly been the greatest updater of blogs around, it's like I've lost my interest in writing about day-to-day life. Or perhaps it's because my job requires me to write, so I'm satisfied in the writing department that I do not need to shelve out more time to fill up space here.

In any case, I'm proud to say that I am a poly graduate now! I'm technically pretty much confirmed that I will be going to Melbourne, but somehow the thought of uprooting and moving to a new place (a new continent even) just grips me so hard. The prospect of living on my own is tempting, but am I able to sacrifice my creature comforts and try to man up and become independent? I believe that I have a great small group of friends that will be there to back me up, but I was never one for HUGE change like this.

My cousins did it though. They flew all the way to US largely on their own, with personalities to match the country they were in, and look where they are now. I don't exactly have the mindset they do, but I really want this, I really do.

I want to explore the world, make new friends. I want to throw myself out there, and be a better person because of it. I hope to get myself caught up in the joys of the moment, but something deep down in me is stopping me. It's making me look up and realise that I cannot manage this. It's sowing this doubt in me that's growing and taking control of my vital organs. Now that's a dark force.

In the meanwhile, I'll just continue with my internship~ and see how things goes.

BE MORE CONFIDENT. BE MORE THICK-SKINNED. MORE GUNG-HO and DON'T GIVE A SHIT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE MAY THINK OF YOU. That's how you'll survive.

2011-03-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

Lately I feel like I have been making all the wrong choices. I may have this opportunity in my hands, but suddenly so many better ones are flying past me like I'm invisible or something. I can't let the one in my hands go, because I'm not confident of catching the ones that are passing me by. God must have the plan for me mapped out, I have to believe that and stick to what I have. Be contented, is that not what is always preached?

2.
Have you had this feeling of helplessness, especially in your social life? I think part of the reason why I can never seem to have a friend to stick through thick and thin together is because I can't seem to connect in that deeper level with someone else, like best friends do. Is it part of my personality? Or just my inability to socialise? Or do both mean the same?

I feel like I can't relate to them because I do things differently; Do birds of the same feather really flock better together? I think that notion has become clearer to me today.

I mean, how else would you be able to explain my sense of loss at the fact that this group is somehow bonded over the same matters, and I can't seem to fit or mould myself into that group, because I don't have the characteristics that are similar within that group?

You probably are confuddled out of your mind by now. But it finally makes sense to me.

It's so difficult trying to fit into something that's already solid and a whole. How do you do that? I tried, but I couldn't find any similarities, and it's causing me intense frustration and I can't help feeling envious because they all have those qualities which I obviously don't have. And it makes it easier for them to connect on those levels, but I can't relate at all.

I can't break into the line they already formed. I don't have that thick a skin to actually squeeze my fat self into that tiny gap - so I just have to keep walking behind, and you know, little by little I'm sort of breaking away from that line, and falling behind. Soon I'll be on the outside looking in. Actually it already feels that way.

Oh god I'm so not in a positive mood today. :(

Let me drown my sorrows, but even that won't satisfy.

Glee Cast - Bills, Bills, Bills

2011-03-04T11:01:00.000+08:00

Third month into 2011. Oh my, how time flies.

more than a month later...

2010-12-26T14:39:00.000+08:00

I've seriously lost my patience for writing day to day blogs. With such short attention spans that are a result of the media's doing... Who can even bother anymore?

Or maybe it's because I write for a living... so coming down to this mundane shit, it really has no direction or flavour anymore.

My life... nobody wants to hear about it. I wouldn't want to read about it five years later... Incoherent abstract mess.

Although I have to say I'm looking forward to spending time with friends because we kind of all know that once internship ends, the routine just fades away with it.

Still undecided about what life I should make for myself - but then again, I'm only 19 right? What a joke.

Plans plans plans, future, I spend so much time worrying about all this when we all know the higher ups all have it planned out for us so we should all just sit back and watch it all play out... because we can't control anything despite what anyone might say. Our destiny's what we make of it? What bullshit.

Optimism is for the optimistic. Am I optimistic? Sometimes. Other times I just wallow in self-pity and wait for death to claim me.

The crap that I'm spewing out right now is quite amazing really. Can't believe this.

On Boxing Day no less.

Peace be to all.

2010-11-18T23:27:00.000+08:00

Almost two weeks since I last posted!

from mcflys.tumblr.com

I guess somehow life has been mainly revolving around work work and more work! Although I have to say it's been pretty rewarding, seeing as how I got one front page and many other small articles out...

I don't know if I'm actually liking what I do. I think sometimes I do, especially when the topic being covered is of interest, and other times it just gets so tedious and taxing on my mentality. Don't know if there are as many good points as there are bad...

Celebrated mom's birthday by taking her out to watch the premiere of Harry Potter. Sister was sadly banished to stay at home because I only had two tickets.

Yes I watched Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 at a premiere!!!! :) Although I have to say the security procedures were unfortunately pissing me off...

I'll post the link of the review I wrote for the school e-zine when it goes up. I really liked the movie, I'd rave about it all day but some of ya'll haven't watched it yet so. xD

McFly wise, their webchats and videos have been extremely entertaining, I don't think I'll be able to post any photos/gifs... well the one up there is from one of the webchats hahaha.

mcfly.tumblr.com

Dougie as an air hostess. hahahaha. Harry is gonna be on Strictly Come Dancing... that I've got to see really. Danny as suave as ever! & Tom is always so fine!

mcfly.tumblr.com

I love Danny!

Anyway, thought I'd spam you with random videos and shizzle to keep you coming back to read!! :p

This one's pretty funny, British cast attempting to speak American slang. Especially Tom Felton - BOOYAH! hahahaha. ;)

Jesse McCartney's new music video "Shake". I don't know... he's trying too hard to be a ladie's man... and I'm sure he's not, but I do like the song though.

Great performance and vocals by Gwyneth Paltrow! I didn't know she sang that well! ;)

So, ciao!

i'm still adjusting.

2010-11-06T23:31:00.000+08:00

Now to be fair, I haven't been exposed to the real world that long, probably about a month and a week. It's scary trudging out into the open on your own really, metaphorically speaking of course. It seems that not many are willing to pry your heart open, either because they don't think you're worth it, or really they just don't want to make the first move. Initiative is probably the next thing I have to pick up really quick because it's really a very important skill to have as a journalist. How to approach people by taking that first step to say "Hi excuse me..." or even just smiling... Never lose an opportunity ey?

Trying not to be so philosophical right now is difficult. Because everything I'm experiencing is for the first time, there's bound to be lots of questions, thoughts, reactions and feelings.

I don't know if I'm learning anything... maybe I am a little bit, more of interviewing people than writing really. Don't know, seems like my writing skills isn't polished enough yet. But I don't know how and what to change....

Anyway, I'm feeling weary. Shall stop here..

I feel so stupid.

2010-10-31T22:14:00.000+08:00

You know, working endlessly for days on end does things to you. It does. Like how I work Tuesdays to Saturdays and when I get an off day on Sunday, I'll keep thinking that it's Saturday.

& how atrociously stupid it is that you have to wait around, just so you will be found when they need you. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but if there's one thing I hate doing, it's waiting around. It's like I'm trapped, somehow, like in jail. No offence, but there's no getting out of it I understand that. But if you could just strike it off the list, get it over with, then life would be so much easier, do you understand that?

I want to let everything out, but the fuck I can't. It's just tormenting me inside because I want to just scream, like at every single moving thing I see.

This pent-up frustration inside me is so not helping things at home, because I know they are trying to be encouraging and everything but it's like I keep lashing out at them because they are the only ones who can take all my shit without me getting into much trouble.

It's really bubbling over, I'll tell you. Like how I was sitting on the bus home today, and all I could think about was to scream at this woman in front of me who was flicking her fucking hair all over the back of her seat and touching my hand. Felt just like in the movies where they show you the scenario of some main character just going ballistic on someone irritating, but then afterwards you find out that it was all in their head and everything didn't happen. That is how it felt like to me.

I'm almost 90% sure the next time I get fucking stressed up, I'll hurl. Or maybe it's just during the times of the month where I get fucking stressed because of the pile up (mysteriously happening during that period) and I get hormonal and insecure and all tensed like fuck.

It's really not helping. It's really not.

On another note, I applied to study in Australia today. Totally screwed up the whole application because of the tight deadlines. I mean, I'm not even really 100% sure what I want to do, so I just wildly selected a couple.

I need a job that is relatively easy with deadlines, I can't fucking deal with stress. I'll end up in a mental institution before you can even yell "time's up!".

god save my wretched soul.

2010-10-22T13:00:00.000+08:00

credits: rag&bone

now if I could pull all these off... or rather, first, have the money to buy these...

so gorgeous! :)

I think I will post when I get to Malaysia.

I've been waiting for this break for weeks!!

2010-10-16T21:36:00.000+08:00

I know I haven't posted in a long while, but it's like I have no energy in me that I can muster up to actually write about my feelings. I feel more numb inside than I normally do, which is to say that working ain't my forte at all.

And to think that it's only the second week. I know that feeling that if you keep counting it day by day, it'll only feel longer than ever... I wish that weren't true. Sometimes you just want to fast forward life, because you feel trapped in a particular surrounding, and have absolutely no way of getting through it except to forge on ahead. Where's the fast forward button? Where?

I shan't go into details because I'd rather write it in my monthly log, and pour my heart and soul into that one. It's more honest when you write it from the heart the first time, because after that you'll just keep deleting and editing, deleting and editing...

Right... but it's getting better every day. Some days are less awful, some days plain awesome.

I'm alive and well, if you need a summary.

2010-10-05T22:43:00.001+08:00

sorry i can't really start to write a long post right now... i have been traumatised.

bad things have happened today. i hate it.

Maroon 5 cover Misery

2010-10-02T23:37:00.000+08:00

hi, last cover before i start emo-ing over internship ;'(

2010-09-26T16:30:00.000+08:00

I guess I owe myself and everyone who cares an update. It's not like me to not want to write about the past couple of weeks, ever since YOG started. So prepare for a long post of ramblings and glimpses into what I've been up to?

YOG
I think the best part of this experience was that I went into it reluctantly but came out of it a better person, grateful for actually signing up for it, despite the many complaints and all. You know me, I'm not the best person to be around strangers, especially strangers from a different continent altogether. For me, caucasians have got to be the most intimidating, mostly because I rarely see them around, let alone interact with them. The only foreigners I actually know about are what I see in the movies and celebrities. So to be thrown into an environment whereby the majority of the crew were Americans and Australians and a sprinkling of Germans... it's really indescribable - like culture shock, even though you're in your own country. So for those two weeks, I practically felt like I wasn't in Singapore Singapore... if you can get what I mean. A couple of friends who I was working with did help to alleviate the situation a little, because if not for them, I don't know if I would have broken out of that shell, and till this day, I might not even have become more open and friendly to the crew. It's crazy to think that two weeks can change a person's character, but if it can happen to some in a split second, then I guess it can happen in two short weeks.

YOG Diving Session

Hanging out in an Aussie pub off Little India to celebrate the last day.

Great people I work with. :)

Crew.

What we do during break. Chill out.

Diving @ Toa Payoh

Catherine, my comrade during YOG!

Singapore Sports School @ Woodlands

Yes the containers that we practically lived in for the whole two weeks.

Condensation on the lens, led to a dreamy picture of the Sports School haha.

And with experiences like these, there are always regrets. I regret taking such a long time to actually warm up to strangers. It was practice for me I guess after looking back, but to think that everything I learnt during this has now become nothing but a memory really makes me want to turn time back and change whatever I did wrong. I realised I took this for granted in the beginning, and that is something that I can bring into my internship. Take nothing for granted, and absorb everything like a sponge and just make full use of my time there. It's really that simple. If I do things with an open mind, I'll probably live life with less regrets, right?

Of course, this cannot be summed up in the above few paragraphs. If only I documented every single second... but we can only look forward now.

Post YOG / Ryan Cabrera concert
I almost missed this part out. Seriously, I think the lesson I learnt from this was that if a performer is doing two shows, go for the last show because they might decide to do more songs because it's their last night. Other than that, be more shameless and write stupid signs, and don't get angry with your friend who tries to embarrass herself and yourself by writing a sign on tissue paper in hopes that he will read it.

The venue of the performance that was quite epic!

How close we were to stage

Ryan Cabrera *spazzes* 5 years I waited... now here in the flesh.

everything looks better in B&W with that kind of lighting sigh...

After much editing to save the lighting...

Without editing.

Anyway how apt is it that a Ryan Cabrera song plays on my iTunes when I'm about to write this? :o He was amazing, but I wouldn't have minded more interaction. :( The crowd was kinda flat anyways, maybe that was why. :'(

Post Exams
Had to cram for exams, and I guess that part went well; I was too relieved that it was over. Then to celebrate, Angella Ky & I went to have xiaolongbao buffet at Plaza Singapura, haha. First time eating dimsum with friends, it was a new experience! & Angella got a new DSLR, so I must make sure to avoid her more from now on hahaha kidding!!!

Then it sunk in that school's officially out... Never will I be sitting in a lecture theater enjoying school life. The next semester will be out in the real world trying to make a mark. Very much frightening, and it knocks you off your feet unexpectedly in horror.

Holidays
Well, without YOG pay, we couldn't do anything... but we went to play Rockband at Ky's house. I think I posted something about that day. Yes. Did I mention I sang in front of them... One step at a time eh?

Then we went out window shopping on Thursday the 16th. Melissa, Amanda Jacq, her friend and Ky. It was only for a while though... saw a couple of things that caught my eye yay! Which I have now bought duh. :)

And after that day, time to head to Hong Kong / Macau for 5 days starting Friday, 18th.

I'm going to post the Hong Kong trip in another post.
So yes.

2010-09-15T20:58:00.000+08:00

2 more days. I can't wait! I must take awesome Flickr-worthy photos on my trip there. And also eat my heart out. D:

If I have time to buy souvenirs, I will. But I'm not sure, with my family around...

I loveeeee family vacations.
& I loveeeee flares.

it looks better in flickr.

Okay, just thought I'd update, and say that I went to Ky's house to play Rock Band/Band Hero with Mel & SM.

this is my friend, Mel! :D

am going shopping with Ky & SM tomorrow. eesh, hope i finally buy something.

2010-09-13T21:41:00.000+08:00

McFly spammage in progress! :)
I love myself a huge dosage of McFly. They really do make my world, with their earnesty and randomness. <3

I love Danny in this one, especially the part where he gets all "Who said that?", watch it.

this next vid is kind of rude, so...

Danny looks hurt, bored, moody. I don't know why but it pains me to see him that way! :s He's such a nice person, don't avoid him! :(

Eeep! :) Funny, especially when Dougie starts imitating Danny. I read that they had already done many other interviews before this one, and they were all ganging up on Danny (jokingly) so he probably felt a little bored, tired, and down. And I agree with many of them who say that he is allowed to feel that way. We can't expect him to be all happy and goofy all the time. He's human too. I just feel... for him that he feels this way, just makes me want to give him a hug.

hehe so cute when Harry tries to cry and Tom sings acapella! ;)

okay i'm off.

2010-09-12T18:34:00.000+08:00

Well Sunday's here. One more week, and I'll be off in the air, to the place of egg tarts!

I haven't been blogging much haven't I... sorry about that. I just realised I write more day-to-day stuff on Flickr than I do on here. Oops.

Anyway, hoping to get my haircut (like since forever) and get my 50mm (like since forever too) I tested the 50mm distance on my kit lens and it's like... quite cropped, as in quite narrow Field of View, like many reviews said. I don't know if I'll get used to it, but I think I should. Hm... aiya, how how. I scared I make mistake. But a prime lens is a must!

Forget the random outburst.

I'm very bored, can you tell?

I am watching Modern Family (won quite a few Emmys this year), very good show. Different format of production in that it is sort of those camera that follows your day to day life, but then this really isn't a reality show, and also teaches you stuff. It's pretty cool a concept. No wonder win right? ;)

And McFly these couple of weeks have been super duper active! :) Radio-active if you can get my pun. I love them to death, and the Super Site they are constantly talking about sounds so amazing. :) I really should consider like setting up a site for them or something, make them more receptive to the idea of coming here to perform.

I love McFly, did I say that? ;)

xh

2010-09-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

This post is to celebrate the end of exams in my poly life!!! You have been warned.
In other news...
It's Hari Raya tomorrow, but it really doesn't concern me since I don't have any close Malay friends or anything... but it's a public holiday and going out would be courting death because it'll just be like a weekend that came early. :o

Still, I'm actually starting to feel bored. I hope next week comes soon because we are heading to Hong Kong! I almost missed the 'n' in Hong and typed Hogwarts. Hahaha. Okay, not funny.

I already have so much on my hands to do right now. :( Want to see a list?

1. Print Exchange/Giveaway (too much to do, like getting addresses, printing the prints, sending, postage, collating all the selected prints... :s)
2. Going to Ky's house - to see her cousin's dog, and Rockband with everybody!
3. Research uni options.
4. Plan Hong Kong trip
5. Finish using the film camera to develop and see if it's still working
6. Shopping after getting YOG pay

Well I can't think of anything more right now... but the above is enough to kill me! :o

Okay I should get to doing something on my list.
More blogging later!
xxx

2010-09-07T14:37:00.001+08:00

why hello there Askars! looking very lovely tonight!
holyskargasm.tumblr

totem from Inception
not sure where this was from...

sharing some random gifs and snaps i snagged from tumblr & elsewhere. i do not claim them as my own.

GQ True Blood photoshoot. What's not to like? :o

2010-09-06T20:20:00.000+08:00

I'm not feeling too awesome right now. I actually have migraines... or splitting headaches... that come in sudden jolts. There isn't even a fever but I'm getting chills. Oh my poor head. Is this like a test or something? To see if I can make it through the torment that is MASINA exam? By golly you have got to be overestimating my abilities. I have no wish to study, and all I want to do is sleep. Please let me get better... or rather maybe not. Then I won't have to feel guilty for doing anything else other than MASINA. I figure I can kiss my A grade goodbye when this exam rolls around. It's too freaking scary to think that the questions that can come out are far beyond what we can predict. And that we have to apply the concepts instead of regurgitating... yes teachers, I understand you want to make sure we have learnt it well, but... cut us some slack really because... we won't even use these concepts once the exam is over! Once it's over, concept, what concept?? I really cannot begin to comprehend what people who really didn't prepare for an exam like this will be feeling when they look at the smattering of words that form the questions and the blank pieces of answer sheets they have to fill. :o

Okay, before my head explodes, I think I should take it easy tonight... bust out some mellow tunes to relax. Ha, talk about relaxing when I should be feeling all jittery... This was probably my alter ego talking. Goodnight. I leave you with a video to tickle your sides. I tried my best to spam the chat when they were on, to get them to reply me if they were doing a tour soon here... no luck. :s

2010-09-04T22:02:00.000+08:00

I think I'm in love. :o It's people like these that give me hope you know? :)

I am spamming his videos.

& the b-side of the new party girl single available now!!!! I don't know if I should buy it online? Or wait till I go Hong Kong and see if I can find it there? :s

I saw this HD T-swizzle vid of "Mine" and I got to put it up!!! Just that I think her guitar skills in this video makes me doubt her ability to play well. -.- And it sounds just like the single off iTunes, so... is it even live? Either that, or she really improved, which is good!!! :D

2010-09-02T21:27:00.000+08:00

you might think this is coke, but don't be fooled.

it's actually chinese herbal tea my mom made.

sigh...

i'm just trying my best not to start studying again because i know that

"que sara sara, whatever will be will be"

so apt here yes?

exams exams exams.

why on earth do we have exams?

i'm just posting a couple of pictures from my YOG stint here.

it's actually already on Facebook, but... i have yet to do a proper blow-by-blow post yes?

and Ryan Cabrera!

zzzz.

lazy is me.

Here's eye candy.

sorry it's only the back. but Tim Pyritz in white long-sleeved shirt, is just so adorable and hot at the same time... :'( pity. pity.

okay back to mugging like a muggle.

yesterday was Hogwart's first school day.

I wish I was there.

Ryan Cabrera - 40 Kinds of Sadness (Live in Singapore 2010)

2010-08-29T14:54:00.000+08:00

What went down last night. Lighting sucked, but music was too good. :)

2010-08-27T16:38:00.000+08:00

I kind of need to cut my hair, yes? Oh my god, I've been putting it off because I really want a new cut, but I am so terrified of how it will end up. Gahhhh. I hate change.

But anyhoo, TOMORROW IS RYAN CABRERA DAY! I am so stoked to hear him live, like after hearing his songs in 2004/5? Oh gosh, he better play a long set hahaha. :)

K, off to stone and be depressed that YOG is over and I'm alone again.

2010-08-26T01:16:00.000+08:00

Maybe it hasn't sunk in just yet. I may never get to see any of these people again. Two freaking weeks, and it just ended. My life may have just ended right then and there. So many things you would want to say to everyone, but never really brought up the courage to. Observing rather than speaking, I think that their lives, they lived it fuller than I have ever lived mine. Maybe it's time to start taking directions from these sort of people. Throw yourself out there to the wolves, run around with a bunch of crazies, that sort of thing. Dye your hair, kill a possum (actually no, that would be illegal)... You know how they say one event can change your life forever? This may be it. This. Right here, right now. No matter how much you try to deny it, your life has changed.

I don't know what else I can say except that I don't want anything to change. This is why I resist change. Change is good, and bad, for all the right and wrong reasons. I don't make any sense.

x

2010-08-23T00:46:00.000+08:00

The Australian crew I work with is just too bloody amazing. :) They are the funniest, chillest guys I've ever met I would think. Sigh, sometimes I wonder if this could never end. It doesn't feel like reality... it's so monotonous it doesn't feel real, if you know what I mean.

But I know life doesn't really treat you nice and give you everything and anything you want... so.

Tom Daley's hot by the way. And he's 16. :o What is this shit?!

This stint really makes me want to join the TV industry. :o

2010-08-21T23:48:00.000+08:00

4 more days. I'm not exactly counting down, but it is helluva bittersweet feeling when everything comes to an end. You know? Like how you wish it would have gone on forever, and how everyone won't leave? But then you're glad that it's actually over, but it being over means there are exams looming... and RYAN CABRERA!!!

Yeah, so... I'm not sure how I'm going to be ending this, possibly on a positive note?

We have moved to Toa Payoh for diving sessions now, it's shitty as hell, but the food's better than at Singapore Sports School? But there was more privacy at the SSS, I love that place now that I'm in Toa Payoh Sports Stadium. The Stadium's just hot, hot, hot. I have never smelt better. 8)

Oh, and the thing is, we have these insane breaks in between sessions and it's just a waste of time... so I have to think of better things to do. It's been ending late these couple of days, and so will the next few. :(

Anyway, I did not manage to get pictures with any athletes because I was busy helping to pack, and also because I guess I didn't have the courage... :(

I wish I would though. It was so easy, just 7 words... 'can i take a photo with you?'

guess i'm stupid.

2010-08-20T00:19:00.000+08:00

Just a short and sweet update on life so far. It's going pretty well I would say... provided I could sleep in just that bit longer. Sigh...

But yes, I've fallen somewhat sick, runny nose and sore throat. They seem to always come at the same time, which sucks, but at least drinking so much water helped drive the sore throat away. But the nose is still irritatingly itchy and blocked. :(

Not to mention I have a huge zit at the side of my nose that just popped up two days ago.
Omg, I'm not a teenager anymore, I'm not supposed to have these kinds of things. :'(

So swimming sessions day and night have taken a toll on me, but I am actually starting to enjoy work more and more. But it'll all be over in 6 days!!! :o I'm only starting to get to know the crew and make friends with them! Besides, I haven't gotten my picture with my Zac Efron lookalike!!!

Guy with weird name, but cute! :) (obviously not in this photo, but he is!!!)

Grrr... courage xh, where's the courage?
But anyway, I am hoping to put up some pictures soon!

2010-08-17T23:01:00.000+08:00

oh my god i'm starting to be more chummy with everyone at work... one of them even mentioned that i'm getting noisier by the day hahaha, which is good i guess... took me long enough hurhur.
i must go out with a positive attitude from now on. there's just no use in wasting my time fretting over stuff that will make me feel sad or angry or frustrated. i've been reading The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, can you tell? that book is amazing, really puts life into a whole new perspective, and you see that every single time you try not to realise your destiny, your heart suffers the greatest.

anyway, i actually got to use the camera today! :o like those handheld cameras that they put on their shoulders and walk around taking shots of the swimmers one by one? omg these things are awesome awesome awesome shizz. it takes years of practice to steady the camera and be adept at it. gosh. i'm so glad i got to have a go at it hohoho! :)

rained really heavily today, and was quite unexpected.

but nonetheless, tomorrow will be a better day!

gambatte!

2010-08-16T23:59:00.000+08:00

she likes to dance all by herself cos' she's a party girl.
I heart McFly so much I can die. They are fucking great live, and is that Danny with a new tattoo on his arm? Oh my god I never noticed it before.... fail fan.

This song just grows on you day by day. :)

2010-08-16T23:52:00.002+08:00

Sometimes it gets hard，but that's how life is innit？

2010-08-14T21:53:00.000+08:00

I am just so tired after work these couple of days. Ever since I've started, I can't seem to remember what day it is, what time it is, or the date... I have to constantly remind myself that it is Saturday, it is Friday etc... It's like I'm braindead... doing something repeatedly does that to you?

I heard The Click Five over the phone today. Trecia called me from SCAPE. It was so cool even though I mostly heard screaming, but I also heard them singing "I Quit! I Quit! I Quit!" and the chorus, and most of the rest of the song... hehehe. :)

Autograph session!!! I wish I went, could have shook their hands. eeeee. Missing lots of chances. David Choi also damn it.

Okay, byebye. I have to be in stupid Woodlands by 6.30am tomorrow I reckon. -.-

2010-08-12T22:31:00.000+08:00

Day 2 of YOG - Not too bad!
Well, it was bad in the morning. I woke up early, got ready, headed out. Trained to Woodlands, got on this bus 168, and got to the Sports School, but DID NOT GET DOWN. So the bus turned out into the.... HIGHWAY. I was like SHIT. I missed my stop.

Took me 10 minutes and hell lots of internal struggles and yelling in my head to finally stop at an ULU place at Seletar. I have never been there in my life and I do not intend on going back EVER. Who knew there was such a place in Singapore. The whole time the bus was travelling on the highway I was cursing myself, and hoping that at the next junction it would turn out into civilisation again, but it didn't!!!!

God did answer my prayers, and let the bus turn, but so ulu, no taxi at all. So I prayed for a taxi, after 5 minutes did 1 come. -.- I was like *rushes without any concern for traffic* for the taxi. Sigh... in the end was 15 minutes late? And spent $10 just for travelling on the highway. STUPID BUS I HATE WOODLANDS. It's not fit for human living.

At least I was assigned stuff to do! Lots of stuff actually... wooo. Not too bad. Managed to pass the time.

And it's pretty alright; I get to see cute swimmers everyday and relax a little.
Lunch not as good as MBS, but... we'll make do!

I think YOG is going to be fun fun fun! And hopefully can still see David Choi? Fingers crossed!!! :(

2010-08-10T13:30:00.000+08:00

I'm starting my internship with YOG tomorrow... I feel excited and scared at the same time... but I guess this will be major practice for the internship (school wise) in October. I really need to get out of my shell/comfort zone. :/

In any case, I will be busy these couple of weeks, seeing as how my fellow comrades who have started earlier than me are actually coming home late and stuff. How am I supposed to go see The Click Five / David Choi with all these going on? THEY HARDLY EVER COME TO SINGAPORE!!!! :o

Man, I wish they came like a bit later.

Have to go now. I'm supposed to be doing other things.

2010-08-08T15:17:00.001+08:00

testing it out... enjoy!

2010-08-05T20:23:00.000+08:00

I love their voices and their looks and everything about them! :)

2010-08-03T23:10:00.000+08:00

Today was one of the very last presentations I ever will make as an MCM kid from NP.

Like, seriously.

Wow.

Impactful much?

But I don't know why, during the presentation I was breathless in trying to get my words out... and everyone noticed because I was literally hyperventilating. Quite embarrassing really, because it shows that I'm nervous and I guess I was a little nervous... but more so concentrating on getting my words out right.

And after the presentation the teacher was all, good job, great presentation; and it was then that I realise that I had been carrying this burden for the past couple of days. You know how you get when you suddenly feel like everything that has been weighing on your shoulders suddenly is taken off? I really felt that way today. Like... I didn't even notice I felt so heavy, until everything was over and I realised hey, I actually feel relaxed and happy for once in a long time. :o It's a great feeling.

Still, there's stuff to be done, and it's not the end, so...

I'm just going to make the best out of everything that comes along. I really like this optimism I'm having. Makes everything look a little brighter, sound a little nicer, taste a little sweeter. :)

World peace.

2010-08-02T18:18:00.000+08:00

Friday was stressful, more so because we had a presentation, sort of like trying to secure a business deal, for an Effective Negotiation module. I don't know why I even bother. :/ Nobody bloody cares about IS modules anyway, and I'm right there fretting over every little thing. And when it came to the presentation / negotiation, all I could do was stare at the "investor". Shit, I wish I was more vocal sometimes because what teachers see is that moment, and not the behind-the-scenes shit where we spend so much time doing up a proposal/presentation slides. Words just failed me.

Saturday was for the HYPED Up! Flea for the launch of the 31st issue of Hype. I have at least 3 articles in there, so go read it! One Glee article, one on pies, and one YOUTUBE STARS article wooo! I count at least 5 pages in that magazine to be mine! :) I'll post a picture... the design is amazing actually, all designed by students, some by Dawn Michelle Lazaroo!!! ;)

stolen from ky's blog hehehe.

I wish I had interviewed Katy Perry. That would have been totally awesome! :) But at least I got to email David Choi. :o Who's coming down for like two weeks?! I must meet him in person to listen to his sets, but the thing is, I'll be volunteering for YOG. Fingers crossed I'll be free on one of his performing days.

The flea was stuffy. :o But it seemed cool to me, so congrats to the team who put it together. I bought a basic tee at Uniqlo, it was on sale! I love Uniqlo stuff, but sometimes it's sort of expensive. :( Nonetheless! I was with SM, Mel & Ky. Went home after to go out again for dinner with the family. We went all the way to Bedok for goodness sake! Just to eat Hokkien Mee that was supposedly authentic. Hong Kong chef, Malaysian owner... it was alright... But the location (beside a huge canal), made me feel like I was in Malaysia... in those little kampongs by the sea? I guess that was what they were aiming for, with wooden boards underneath our feet... Had black pepper crab, VERY peppery... and filling too. And a vegetable, and sweet and sour pork! :)

Took a detour to East Coast Park's food village to eat char kuay tiao but didn't in the end because no parking.

Then home.

Sunday was a totally chill day. At least I manage to complete my Advertising case study assignment. The whole day it was like cold and rainy, which was one of the best days to start the month of August!!! :) I wish for more days like August the 1st! :)

Today, nothing much. Headed to school in the morning to try and finish up the presentation we will have tomorrow. Oh my goodness, I don't know why I feel so relaxed about it. :(

But anyway, pictures!!!

I think the first ever anime that got me hooked, and I watched all the episodes of Fushigi Yuugi. Someone in school mentioned it a couple of weeks before, prompting me to reminisce about my secondary school days. I remember falling for Tamahome. :) So gorgeous, how not to ey? :)

Have also been watching Kaichou Wa Maid Sama! And Usui Takumi is so so so so awesome! :)

(credit)

Darn it, I'm not supposed to be going through an anime phase NOW. This should have happened like, years ago. -.- Damn damn damn. What is wrong with me?

Oh yes, I've also watched Ouran High School Host Club. Yay me! It was a bloody good show with so much potential but the anime had to end there. -.-

Tamaki Suoh!!! :)

(credit)

I love the Hikaru & Kaoru and Mitsukuni Haninozuka (Honey-senpai) and Takashi Morinozuka (Mori-senpai)!!!! Sorry Kyouya Ootori, not really a fan of you heh...

Okay, I guess that's enough of pictures? :)

If you wanna see my film stuff, go to my flickr! :)

xxxx

2010-07-30T01:21:00.001+08:00

I feel sad. Like, lost kind of sad, because we just had a class talk on universities and further education and i realised i have no specialisation that i'm interested in. :'(

What am I going to do with my life.
The reality of life has just shot me in the head. :(

and with presentations and deadlines looming over me... sob.

i'm incoherent now so byebye.

2010-07-26T22:14:00.000+08:00

New UK export band The Wanted with All Time Low. I would have liked it if they had some kind of skill... like dancing... I mean, NLT (disbanded) were really good, but sadly they disbanded. And to think these guys are only swirling sparklers round and round... I can do that. -.- Autotune ruined their voices in my honest opinion!!! :(

But, on the bright side, they do amazing covers!!! :) And one plays guitar, their REAL voices are so lovely, and they can harmonize (envy)

Nice comeback.

But anyway...
JESSE MCCARTNEY!!!! <3
I am hearing so many unreleased songs floating around lately... from long ago or from the Departure era. Vulgarities abound no doubt, he's grown up! Haha, Elena wouldn't like this new direction he's taking, but I'll still support him. It's sort of catchy after a few listens.

Oh, and did I mention I'm excited for Ryan Cabrera all of a sudden!!! ;)

Okay gotta head off.

2010-07-25T21:17:00.000+08:00

Yen-J. I somehow only like this song... but I guess sometimes that's just how it goes.

Not sure if I posted this, but... Nick Chou looks like Wilber Pan. -.-

peace.

2010-07-24T17:49:00.001+08:00

I wish I could sing like Julia Sheer, she makes it so effortless!!! :) & the chemistry she has with Tyler Ward is just crazy amazing! :)

I have a couple more videos to post up. hehe.

This is kind of a stupid lame spoof of Twilight but the girl Elizabeth McLaughlin is quite pretty yes? :)

SHINee! Lucifer is the name of their new song. Man JONGHYUN IS TOO COOL! :) I only know who Jonghyun is. The rest I can't tell Taemin from Minho. :/

Hehehe.

Okay, I shall go now. I'm being unproductive. Very.

2010-07-21T23:04:00.002+08:00

I watched this today. I was amazed at how intricately complex they made dreams out to be. And to think they have the technology to infiltrate minds, that's already a winner in itself already innit - ie, the plot. Christopher Nolan just took this movie in a holy direction. I worship him now. He made The Dark Knight an awesome show, and now this. Oh my god. And Leonardo di Caprio, seriously, what is he? God or something? How is it that he always chooses the right kind of film to act in? Titanic, Catch me if you can, The Departed, Shutter Island, and Inception. Shit, he's good at what he does. You know what? This movie has got me thinking about dreams and how concrete it can get. The fact that you are at your most vulnerable when you're dreaming, but yet your subconscious can actually employ defence mechanisms against negativity and foreign inceptions... it's just brilliant! I was all the while keeping a sort of in awe face - (@o@) like this. HAHAHA.

I believe the scriptwriter had one hell of a job to make this whole plot understandable to the average viewer. And injecting humor in the plot??? Who would have expected that?! Ee!!! My only gripe was that Ken Watanabe was underused? He got shot in the beginning of the dream and was all in a mostly subdued state after that, which sort of made me sad because he could have been put to greater use!!

And the totem idea is like, wow. It's sort of like a security blanket I guess, letting you know that you're not in anyone's dream because when you keep going in and out, in and out, you'll lose yourself along the way. And you might not even know if you have lost your way, but having that totem keeps you sane.

Oh, and who can forget the CGI?! One reason why this movie was made possible is due to technology today. The CGI is bloody flawless?! Especially how you can turn the whole city upside down, and at the right angle point, walk up to it and continue on...

And the whole scene bursting into millions of pieces when you realise you are in a dream and it has become unstable, and then gravity is lost, and you are floating like in outer space. Shit!!!!!! :o

I just want to say that never before has a movie made me think as much as Inception.

Intense, way intense.

This better bloody win all the Oscars or something.

Other reviews that I thought described the movie brilliantly:

GMA News Collider

2010-07-18T01:32:00.000+08:00

yeah, preview of Jesse McCartney's new song that will be featured on the Step Up 3D soundtrack. -.-

It's called UP.
Too much autotune~, takes away the beautiful voice of Jesse!!! But it's a catchy dance track I guess. :s

Saturday July 17

2010-07-17T23:36:00.000+08:00

Well, this week has been rather eventful, with both ups and downs. I guess Monday was alright, last Medlaw lecture \m/ and Advert was just a consult, and we seemed to be on the right track. Spent the long day discussing Advertising, and left round 7?

Tuesday was more for fretting over the stupid system called SPSS. It's some statistical analysis thingy that we have to use to analyse the survey data we have collated for some topic we have chosen. I am so effing screwed for that project I think. & in class, we were forced to watch a HORROR clip because after that we had an assessed tutorial ON the horror clip. What sort of class makes you watch a horror clip and fail you if you don't? I mean, I NEVER watch horror. :'( Traumatised day ended with Medlaw tutorial and a rainy day. :'(

Wednesday morning at Bugis National Library to attend the SPH talk on new media. Pretty cool I guess, just that it was mostly about things we sort of know already. The catering was good though. It's sad that I actually remembered that event more for its food than the talk itself. The speaker Vin Crosbie was really charming though! I wish I could have stage presence like him, and be as fluent. :( Afterwards went home (hehe) and changed for NAPFA. Oh my god I cannot believe I actually decided to take NAPFA. I think it's the good-student gene in me or something. I cannot make myself skip anything that will get me into trouble. -.- Sigh. Anyway, met for Advertising before heading with Angella to NAPFA. The only thing I was really proud of was my inclined pull up. I mean, I hardly get past 4?! I managed to do 18!!!! :o The rest were like meh, and my sit-ups were the worst! :o I failed my 2.4 so everything else didn't really matter.

Thursday was pretty sad, Masina lecture was -.-* and we were sort of free for the next four hours, which I think were spent doing Wisp, because I thought we were presenting the next day. (in any case, we rushed it out for nothing.)
Bookpub was crowded... I don't like. :( At least my parents came to fetch me home! <3 I was aching the whole day though from the stupid NAPFA. :(

Friday let's just not go there... :( I just want this done with really. But no... I'm still unable to speak coherently during sessions of presentations. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have to rehearse every single thing don't I? :s Advertising after everything.

I am worried for the presentation on Monday because it's... very... raw.

By the way I should stop talking about school.

I really think that school's sheltering us from the harsh realities of the world. I got a taste of it a couple of weeks before, and to think that I'll be in that world in a couple of months freaks me out like crazy. :(

Sunday July 11

2010-07-11T18:09:00.001+08:00

he looked at me omg;, originally uploaded by ▲foldedmemos.

Saturday July 10:
Oh the day gets better! Met Michelle & Julin to head to Scape to secure a good spot to catch a glimpse of Show Luo. & by jolly we managed to find a good spot, without being blocked by people in front except for a barricade, and horrendous amount of media and security. :(
Still, I managed to get a good shot!!! (see picture)

The organisation was pretty bad, because the whole area was sort of weird... but whatever, my legs and back were aching after the whole thing. Then went off to discuss a project. Sigh, life of a mass commer. I even missed an outing with my secondary school friends!!! >:(

All because I totally forgot.

Okay I shall end here. There's really not much to say about Sunday except that I baked a cake.

Sunday, July 11

2010-07-11T18:06:00.000+08:00

I know I haven't blogged for a horrendously long while, and so much has happened!!! :)

Wednesday
Went to watch Eclipse with Mel & Ky. Oh my god, Taylor Lautner's abs are to die for. I still stand by the fact that he looks like a wolf face-wise. Haha, so apt for the role ain't it? At least the vampires are not as shiny and pale-white as the first two movies, which was really icky. Now I can tolerate... but not a lot anyway. Haha. The movie was... you know. "like that lor". hahaha. Not sure how to feel about it. Dinner at KFC wooo! Had been craving for the Banditto Pocket ever since forever, so finally got to eat some comfort food.

Thursday
This day was freaking long. 12pm lecture on HORROR, of all things, which scared the shit out of me. Traumatised, then went for class. Had a practice session for the skit that was to take place on Friday. Dinner and Book Publishing. I workshopped my story, which everyone found was well-written, but it had no story arc. Tutor was surprised that it had no story arc, and said unsarcastically that it was a skill to write without having a story arc. Obviously I had no idea what I was supposed to feel. Always stuck in the middle with feelings during Bookpub ahhahahaha. Oh well, I guess I have to try to think of something else to write.
Then they talked about horror stories, when they jolly well knew we ended at 10pm that night oh my god. -.-

Friday
I think I worked till really late the night before, so I woke up feeling groggy and all sorts of inattentive. Walked passed a couple of friends and didn't realise it at all until I heard them calling me. -.- I must have looked a right mess.

Skit went fine, but I really felt unjustified. Suppressing feelings is getting hard. I really wanted to say something. But confrontations are not my forte.
On a sidenote, I should start thinking of others more. They might be joking but really, it's true.

A sad lunch and another class, before met for group discussion that ended in the evening.

Will blog more.

坏习惯全部都带走...

2010-07-07T11:59:00.000+08:00

You know, I feel lazy to go to school so early. Damn it, every time I make plans for myself, I end up changing my mind anyways, so pray tell me why I even bother?

And I keep forgetting stuff lately, like how I am supposed to read a particular email but haven't gotten down to it yet. Shit.

Now I have more work on my hands! Ew I hate my life right now.

2010-07-07T00:58:00.001+08:00

Have been slightly obsessed with chinese songs lately. This is good right? :)

唐禹哲-灰色河堤 (MV完整版)

EDDIE IS LOVE! :)

彭于晏-變色龍(完整版MV)

Damn I forgot to take a picture of the signed album! :)

Anyway, watching Eclipse tomorrow with Mel & Ky, plus Saturday is booked for SHOW! :)
Hope it all turns out well.
This week is starting to get better.

I should get started on my prose assignment too meh.
<3

when u smile, i smile;

2010-07-04T13:45:00.001+08:00

when u smile, i smile;, originally uploaded by ▲foldedmemos.

EDDIE 彭于晏办了签唱会！他的EP 《非爱不可》收录了五首歌，真的很好听耶！签唱会很少人，应该只有百多个吧，可是他却很卖力噢！觉得他本人很友善，也很帅噢！！签了他EP 就会看着你，对你笑，而且跟你说话噢！他跟我说 “谢谢你支持我的EP，你最喜欢哪一首歌？” 我就愣住了啦，可是还是回答 “变色龙！” 就匆匆握了手，又匆匆走下台了啦！哈哈，他好好啊！！！：）可爱的笑容被拍下啦，欣赏一下吧！：）

Spontaneously decided with my manager, Jianteng, to head down to City Square Mall for Eddie Peng's EP signing. Oh my god, I'm pretty glad I went because there weren't many people around and we got right up to the second row! Hehe, saw him up close, and then I think we were sort of crazy over how cute he looked, and he was quite good singing live. His dancing also not bad, so I'm pretty impressed.

Haha, and when we went up, I was all, I MUST LEARN FROM SHOW LUO'S SIGNING. Look at person, not at him signing, but I think I was looking at him signing, BUT HE LOOKED UP AT EACH AND EVERYONE OF US. Maybe because he's new and not many autographs needed to be signed so he could do that. I think he's really sweet though. He actually talks to you, like initiates conversations.
He asked Jianteng what version of his album she liked best then she said the more sunny version instead of cool, then he asked so you don't like the cool version, ahahahahha, but she insisted on sunny version! HAHAHAH so funny. Then my turn, I said "hello", he looked up and said hi I think. Hehehehe, then after signing he thanked me for supporting him you knowwwwww, <3 Then asked "what's your favourite song?" I stunned for a moment because I'm not good with impromptu, but I managed to blurt out "Chameleon", one of the songs on the album. AHAHAHA, lucky I listened to his album the night before, or else won't know what to say! :)

But I think he said something else AFTER I answered but I couldn't hear, and I was like rushing down the stage after I offered to shake his hand and he DID!!!! :D So yeah, pretty bummed that I didn't know what he said after. :s Next time will slowly take my time yes? One step at a time la.... :)

More photos coming soon!

2010-07-03T14:12:00.001+08:00

A spontaneous decision to go see Eddie 彭于晏 with Jianteng later omg, I feel so... fangirly.

Pictures later I hope? :)

xoxo

2010-07-02T20:51:00.002+08:00

heart heart heartbreak

2010-07-02T01:04:00.000+08:00

Today was just horrible. Immensely horrible. Indescribably horrible. I cannot even begin to talk about the failure of this horrible day.

I really don't want to go back and think about it, but I feel so... useless, and unaccomplished after coming out of that incident.

And coupled with it being the wrong time of month, for all things to happen, it made things even worse. The tap is leaky. The tap is leaking. Well, it's stopped now, but who knows what will happen when we close our eyes?

I just hope to put it behind me as a learning experience. Let's see if I can see it that way. So embarrassed, frustrated, and weak. Weak weak weak.

2010-06-29T22:19:00.000+08:00

My love for Ryan Cabrera took a backseat ever since I turned to McFly and whatnot, but I swear when news o him coming to Singapore to perform surfaced, I was bloody excited and everything, because he was one of my earliest favourites! :) And I've got his first album so that's pretty cool. MAYBE there's gonna be a signing or something! Oh my god, time to get cds! :o But here's a friendly recap slash walk down memory lane! :)

this is only a couple of his songs, which I so totally have come to love!!! :)

2010-06-27T23:51:00.000+08:00

Amazing what school can do to you. Spent close to 10 hours in the search of pies pies pies and more pies, just to complete one article. Janine, Ky, & I are like so effin' tired and concerned that at the end of this, we'll end up with holes in our pockets and sore throats to boot. Now what did we ever do to deserve this in the first place I have no idea. All I know is that I never ever want to touch a freaking pie in my life. Ever! Or maybe I should narrow it down to sweet, fruity, pies. Ohmygod ew.

Yes, and that was how I spent the last day of my holidays, which is practically over. I only have 10 minutes left! :o
Shoot, school tomorrow.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...

MILITANT ONE SHOULDER DRESS

2010-06-25T01:48:00.000+08:00

MILITANT ONE SHOULDER DRESS

ooh love this! :)

49

2010-06-24T16:00:00.001+08:00

49, originally uploaded by Jаck.

It's too cute not to post up. :)

2010-06-23T21:39:00.000+08:00

I'm in need of inspiration, so I'm just gonna use one word prompt generators to help.

TIDE
These couple of weeks have been hard. Really hard if you could believe, but I doubt that you do. It was weeks of trying to erase all thoughts of the way you looked in the morning. Thoughts of how you laughed at something that wasn't funny. Thoughts of how you could just get up and leave without looking back. Oh, how I tried to tide over this little 'crisis', but who knew you ever left such a huge impact anyway? :(

-

I opened my eyesto the sun shining through the blinds. Shit, was it already eight? I could tell, probably because of years of practice. Always sleeping in till the sun came up, my mother would nag. I would just cover my ears with my pillow and turn to my sides, wishing that the world didn’t have to start a new day. Wasn’t it supposed to be a joy to sleep in? Apparently not in the Jones’ household, it was always considered an abomination, of sorts, at least to my mom.

But today was different. I woke up, and voila! None of the usual hollers of “Ooi! Get your arse out of the bed, you lazy pig!”. Just… silence. Well, not total silence. If you strained your ears hard enough, you would hear the upstairs neighbours’ kids pitter pattering about the rooms as they dressed up for school. Or was it downstairs? I never really could tell where the sounds came from. And then there was the usual creaking of bedsprings, and the birds outside chirping, all mixed together to form your routine Monday morning.

2010-06-22T22:52:00.000+08:00

Well the weekend was pretty cool, cos we met up with cousins Christine and Yingying! :D On Saturday too!

Hovered around the City Hall area, bought a new book for $3, cheap thrills!

Wanted to watch a movie but decided not to... Then I saw this:

iPAD. Amazingly, there's the iPAD. My cousin has an iPAD. wow.
Haha, but I rather have a Macbook really. -.-
Suntec/Marina -ed.
Dinner was Crystal Jade La Mian XLB. Woooo. I should eat here more often. It's healthy and good food! Quite cheap if you share some more! ;D

In the afternoon, had Italian with my aunt and mom plus sis. At 313@Somerset.
Then Uniqlo-ed, MNG-ed. Sis bought something I didn't. Typical.
Was feeling extremely tired that day didn't know why.

Anyway, yeah thought I'd say something about that.

Have been in school past few days. -.-
Sadly.

Need to start on other modules shit shit shit.

you shine brighter than anyone;

2010-06-20T23:25:00.001+08:00

you shine brighter than anyone;, originally uploaded by foldedmemos;.

Okay, one week down, another week left. I gotta grab this week before it flies away. Have been pegged down with work work work all week. I don't know if I will ever get a rest, a long long one. I want that so bad. I want to fly out to a beach resort and rest my tired weary soul, regain my energy that's lately been spent... too spent.

2010-06-19T01:14:00.000+08:00

You know all this talk about having a great education paving your way to a better future is bullshit. The truth is, you study almost a quarter of your life away, just to become workaholics for another half, and then the last quarter's when you deteriorate and start thinking why did I not bother to take a break... because in that period, you won't have the energy left for breaks anymore. Then death takes you, and where will you go next?

2010-06-18T01:54:00.001+08:00

this app is so damn cool. i would get it if i could!

2010-06-18T01:16:00.001+08:00

OMG YAY!!!

bubbles of pleasure;

2010-06-17T02:01:00.001+08:00

bubbles of pleasure;, originally uploaded by foldedmemos;.

Gotta love KOI. :) It is actually the chinese character 'DOU' / bean if you look close enough. :) Too bad so expensive cannot drink everyday.

2010-06-15T16:59:00.000+08:00

Oh my god I forgot to blog about one of the weirdest funny dreams ever! By weird I mean really weird because it really shouldn't have even been in my mind at all!

Okay, I'm just going to tell ya the highlight, because that's actually all I remember!
So I was with a bunch of people and we were standing around SOMEWHERE... and suddenly these people came out, to the delight of everyone else. :o

(wuchunfever.com)

Then for some reason everyone else rushed over to talk to them, take pictures, get hugs whatever. But, cute 吴尊 managed to get away and was standing at the side, like I was.
So I smiled a little and then he smiled back (so nice!) and then I think I started to talk to him or something. No details on what the conversation entailed though. Epicness ahead was that 汪东城 came to join us, and then I was looking at him (so hot and all), then he asked me if I wanted a hug. HE ASKED. I mean, how often does that happen? I mean, I could have been a bitch and say no to humiliate him, but then haha, I was probably so starstruck I said yes. Then somebody (busybody) egged him to like do the twirl around thingy when you hug and twirl that action? Okay, nevermind. But then he said okay why not (like the suave gentleman he is) and then he picked me up and twirled me around like so. But then epicness is that our lips accidentally touched and I was like OHMYGOD sorry. But he was so nice about it and said it's okay (so dreamy and I blushed). -.- Okay, so it sounded more epic in my dreams. But I mean, now you guys will judge me after reading this because I am so hopeless like that. Eee. :(

And the funniest thing is that I'm not even into those four mentioned above. Well, I do have a particular liking towards Jiro, but NO. Neverrrrrrrrrrr. But it happened in my dreams so, hahhahahaah, I can just continue laughing at myself now. :)

(photobucket)

Okay, I get it now. He's just so darn hot. :)

2010-06-13T18:51:00.001+08:00

Perhaps I'm missing out.
Definitely not going to get this back.
Whatever I'm doing I should put in my best.
But how to, when I don't know what I'm doing.

2010-06-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

This term break is not doing any good for me. I was so damn tired from it all I slept a total of 11 hours straight till 1pm today.

Visited the PC show on Friday, now that wasn't too fruitful for me because I got excited over nothing. Must remember to read the fine print next time around. At least Melissa got something, and Ky just totally lost it, literally. I shan't explain more. Must remember to look behind us next time we go out again.

Anyway, I've got my list of things to do, and I'm going to have to find the time to complete them all, wow.

In any case, am crossing my fingers hoping the flights to Penang we're currently waitlisted on go through. I really need to get out of this place you know? Even if it's just for 3 days to a somewhat nearby place. :(

Life hasn't been much fun for me, I'm sorry.
Something to share here.
Sounds so much like Taylor Swift, I wish I could sing & write like this.

So shall we sort of try to make time last longer these couple of weeks now? :)

2010-06-11T10:27:00.000+08:00

你们好！终于有空余的时间，所以就借机会来更新一下blog。

很惊讶吧！我现在在用华文写文章。。。才发现原来华文的程度已逐渐退步了，好失望噢。

check out this link:
http://theurbanwire.com/2010/06/11/veg-out-cafe-salivation/
the photos I took are in there! cool not cool not? :)
too bad no credit...
maybe i should tell them to credit me... I need the portfolio really. :}

anyway, i'll post more later. gotta get ready to go to school (even when I have no classes boo hoo.)

2010-06-05T23:30:00.000+08:00

Okay, so since I have some time on my hands, I might as well blog about some updates to my non-existent life I currently am leading.

Am not suffering so much about 罗志祥 being gone and that I forgot to look at his face when signing my booklet, (even my mom chastised me for being stupid at not looking at his face. ahahhah) but that's okay because I know I'll get to see him again, whenever! :)

Positivity is overflowing in me, so who needs some?

Hahahaha, anyway, I have an advertising test to study for, and I am so looking forward to the whole process of creating and jumpstarting the whole BIG IDEA and concepts wooo! Too much? Ok, gonna rein in a little.

Then this whole week, the bummer was I sort of just died at Medlaw, even though I studied the whole day before. :( Sucks to see your efforts go to waste. :(

But then the week got better, in some ways... I'm going to write about PIES, and Glee, hopefully...

& I found that F.R.I.E.N.D.S the tv show from wayyyyyyyyyy back in the 90s, is actually freaking good! So now I'm addicted. 10 seasons oh my god! :) I love Joey & Chandler! So awesome to have friends like them I would think!

And I should really get back on track with my work...

Oh wait, one more week and it's the HOLIDAYS!!!!! I mean, we'll still be doing work and all, but there's time to meet up and stuff and even go back to Malaysia perhaps? :):):)

Catch ya'll later!

(Go to my flickr for more updates!)

two in the morning;

2010-06-02T01:11:00.001+08:00

two in the morning;, originally uploaded by foldedmemos;.

I'm feeling sort of depressed that I have a ton of work waiting for me to do, but I just am not proactive enough to start on it.
So I'm just going to sleep on it, yet again. :(

At least I'll get food tomorrow, muahahah. Photographer! :)

2010-05-30T15:41:00.000+08:00

One for the Radio

McFly in Lisbon, Portugal. May 29, 2010.
Such is the power of the Internet. I get to see it as soon as it takes place, literally.
They sound so good live, considering the fact that they have been spending months now on their new album and this is their first live gig in a long while. :)
<3

By the way, Danny looks very much like the rockstar he is! :) So happy for them!
Tom & Dougie look great, Harry fantabulous at the drums always! ;)
Their sound is mind-blowingly good and on pitch duh!

Transylvania

Obviously

More with the same user.
But I'm in love! :)

2010-05-30T01:10:00.000+08:00

Was talking to my dear cousin E today, and then I realised that truth be told, the dreams that we once had and still have are super unrealistic. Yes, she called me a pessimist for saying so... but what I really want to bring across is that, sometimes, things happen, and you start to wonder about life and the future, what it will turn out to be... FOR REAL. Not anymore about oh I will be jet-setting across countries and having Starbucks everyday and be all trendy and chic and all that. Those are dreams. Dreams will only be dreams, until you start making SMART choices. It's like what we learnt in Effective Negotiation class. An objective must be SMART, in order to achieve a goal. SMART being Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, Timely. I do believe we can use this in this case here.

So I guess I woke up from my dream, or my bubble was popped. I am sort of trying to distance myself from the unattainable, the unrealistic things I really thought I could have. It's not because I cannot get them. It's just that in this now, I suppose it's pretty much impossible to achieve right now. Not that it will ALWAYS be unachievable... it could happen, but I must keep my feet and head on the ground. Can't pretend that life is all floaty and easy because it isn't.

I feel lost, because I want to set SMART goals, but I don't seem to have any I really passionately aim to pursue.

This is sad.

I fear for my future.

aren't you?

2010-05-27T21:41:00.001+08:00

sneaky sneaks reflect;, originally uploaded by foldedmemos;.

I'm in bookpub right now, and just wrote 1161 words of a story in about an hour! :D

Needs revision, but I think I've got a cool idea.

okay bye.

oh for the love of show;

2010-05-25T02:08:00.001+08:00

oh for the love of show;, originally uploaded by foldedmemos;.

I keep replaying the scene on stage over and over again in my head, so much so I think that I'm just caught in denial. I mean, it isn't going to change anything that happened...

There would have been so many things I would like to have changed with this meeting. It was so brief, merely 3 seconds max? I wish I had the courage and confidence to say something to him.

I guess I wasn't prepared. I sound like I'm confessing to somebody I like or something... he's only a person anyway, right?

But yes, perhaps I am thinking too much of the things I would have done, rather than relish the moment that happened, however fleeting. You might call me a dreamer, a wishful thinker, but... it was real you know? I don't know how to put it across to make it sound less of a fangirl, less of a bimbo... but it was really important to make a connection with someone I admired quite a bit.

Not that he would have even noticed anyway... You know how they always mislead fans into thinking that their idols actually will fall in love with that one lucky person one day? In movies, in dramas, in music videos... I should get myself to stop thinking like that. What makes me think that he would remember me of all the thousands who thronged the event the day before?

What am I thinking?

I shouldn't have gone, maybe... then I would have just been as disconnected as I would have always been, living in that bubble where they are all high up on that pedestal I put them on. Untouchable, unreachable, but yet so real. That, may have been easier for me to believe. Now I'm just into unrealistic wishing.

Oh for the love of God let me stop thinking about what ifs.
I'm living in reality, for god's sake.

xh

2010-05-22T23:37:00.000+08:00

God knows I really need to lose myself in some music right now. These are some of my current picks.

REMIXES:

一支独秀

当我们宅一块

Billionaire <3 So hawaii in the beginning hahaha.

2010-05-14T23:08:00.002+08:00

Was taking a breather from work, and guess what?
Russell Crowe and his co-actors from Robin Hood sing Beautiful Girls, and wonderfully on pitch too!

Oh my god, this was a great video. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3w6t9Oxgb0&feature=player_embedded